What to say when people criticise homeschooling: calm answers for UK families

The questions tend to arrive sideways. A grandparent at Sunday lunch, a parent you used to chat to at the school gate, a comment under something you shared online. If you're wondering what to say when people criticise homeschooling, the most useful answer is often the shortest: one honest sentence about your child, such as "school wasn't working for her, and she's much calmer now." You don't owe everyone a full explanation, and you can choose who gets the longer conversation.

Often the questions come from worry or unfamiliarity rather than judgement. That doesn't make them less tiring, especially in the first months after deregistering.

What to say when people criticise homeschooling: start short

When someone questions your choice, there's a pull to explain everything: the meetings, the plans that didn't work, the mornings that ended in tears. With people who aren't close to you, a long defence usually gives them more to argue with and leaves you feeling as though you're on trial.

A short answer about your child tends to land better, something like "we're taking it a term at a time, and it's going well." An answer that is honest, criticises nobody and stays with your own child rarely invites a debate. You're sharing a decision you've already made.

You also get to decide who hears more. A worried grandparent may deserve a proper conversation; a neighbour you see twice a year probably doesn't. Choosing is part of protecting your energy, and there's nothing rude about it.

Calm answers to the questions you'll hear most

A handful of questions come up again and again. These are ways of thinking about each one, to put into your own words.

"Is that even legal?"

Yes. In England, parents have a legal duty to make sure their child receives an efficient, full-time education suitable to their age, ability and aptitude, and to any special educational needs they have. Section 7 of the Education Act 1996 says this can happen "either by regular attendance at school or otherwise". Home education is the "otherwise".

If they've heard about new laws, the Children's Wellbeing and Schools Act 2026 has changed the law to provide for registers of children not in school, but these rules aren't in force yet and no start date has been set. Home education remains a legal option. There's a fuller explanation of what the law says about home education in our deregistration guide.

"What about socialising?"

This question usually comes from real care. A calm answer simply describes what your child's week holds: a cousin they see at weekends, a swimming lesson, a home education group, a friend from their old class who still comes round. If your child is still recovering and their world is small for now, you can say that too. "She needs a quiet few months first, and we'll build from there."

The DfE's guidance for parents is balanced on this. It says home-educating parents are not legally required to reproduce school-type peer group socialisation. It also says education may not be suitable if it leads to excessive isolation from a child's peers and so impedes their social development.

Families who home educate for faith reasons sometimes hear a version of this question that's really about sheltering. The same calm approach works: describe who your children spend time with and what their days look like. You don't need to defend your convictions to someone who doesn't share them.

"Are you a teacher?"

You don't need to be. DfE guidance for parents (2019) lists the things home-educating parents are not legally required to do, and acquiring specific qualifications is the first item on that list. Teaching the National Curriculum is on it too. A short answer might be: "I don't need to be. My job is to make sure she gets an education that suits her, and I can find help with the parts I don't know." If that question is one you've been quietly asking yourself, the article on whether you need qualifications to homeschool goes into more depth.

"Won't they fall behind?"

This one can sting, because it may echo a fear you already carry. The DfE guidance says parents aren't required to match school-based, age-specific standards, and it describes a suitable education as one that lets a child make progress according to their own level of ability. A calm answer might be: "We're going at his pace, and he's learning again." There's no need to promise results; nobody can predict how any child's education will go, in school or out of it.

"Isn't it just giving in?"

For parents whose child was anxious, distressed or unable to go to school, this question can feel like an accusation. People who weren't there often see the behaviour without the distress beneath it: the stomach aches on Sunday night, the shutdowns, the child who couldn't get through the gate. Distress isn't defiance. Taking a child out of a situation that was causing them distress is a protective decision, and it isn't a reward for anything.

You don't have to share the history to make that point. "It was affecting her health, and she's much calmer now" is enough. Details about your child's mental health, a diagnosis or an assessment belong to your family, and it's reasonable to keep them private.

Different people need different answers

Close family

Grandparents and close relatives are often the most worried, and the most worth a longer conversation. It can help to wait until things are calmer, then show rather than tell: a project your child is proud of, or a visit on an ordinary weekday. If a conversation turns into a debate, it's fine to pause it and come back another time.

Friends and the school gate

With friends, other parents from the old school and acquaintances, a short answer and a change of subject is usually plenty. If they're genuinely curious, they'll ask more, and you can decide then how much to share.

A partner or ex-partner who disagrees

This is harder. When the person who disagrees is your child's other parent, the right approach depends on your family's circumstances. If you can't reach agreement, independent help such as a family mediation service or a family law advice service can help you understand where you stand.

Strangers and online critics

You don't have to reply at all. A comment from someone who has never met your child isn't a conversation you owe anyone, and muting, scrolling past or leaving a group that leaves you feeling worse are all reasonable choices.

Setting a boundary without starting an argument

If the questions keep coming, a boundary is kinder to everyone than another round of explanations. It can be as simple as "we're happy with how it's going, and I'd rather not go over it again", followed by a change of subject. If the subject comes back, change it again.

A boundary doesn't need to be sharp to work. Repeating the same calm sentence often shows people the decision is settled. You can set boundaries on your child's behalf too. It's fine to ask relatives not to quiz your child about why they left school, or to test them on what they've learnt this week.

When the criticism echoes your own doubts

Sometimes a question lands harder because it says out loud something you've been wondering late at night. Parents often describe this feeling in the early months, and having a doubt is different from having made a mistake.

Other people's questions are usually about their own picture of education. Your doubts are about your child, and they're best answered by watching how your child is doing over weeks and months. The early weeks often look very little like school, and that's allowed. If you'd like reassurance on pace and hours, how the first weeks often go covers what a gentle start can look like.

Finding people who understand

The questions are easier to carry when you also have people who don't need them answered. One or two other home-educating parents, or a group where nobody asks whether it's legal, can make everyone else's questions feel lighter. Termly is a UK platform built to help home-educating families find each other, locally and online, so that nobody has to carry this alone.

If you're reading this after another awkward family lunch, or with a comment still sitting unanswered on your phone: you don't need to win the argument. You made a careful decision for your child, and a short, honest answer is enough.

Sources

• Education Act 1996, section 7. The parental duty to secure an efficient, full-time, suitable education "by regular attendance at school or otherwise". legislation.gov.uk
• Department for Education: Elective home education, departmental guidance for parents (April 2019). What a suitable education means, including excessive isolation (para 2.10), and what parents are not required to do, including qualifications, the National Curriculum, school-type socialisation and age-specific standards (para 2.11). assets.publishing.service.gov.uk
• Children's Wellbeing and Schools Act 2026. Includes the future children not in school provisions (sections 37 to 42), not yet in force. legislation.gov.uk